The Cheeto Mass: JD Vance, Donald Trump, and the Ritual Humiliation of Democracy Danny I.P. – No Retreat. No Surrender. April 24, 2025
What do you get when you mix fascism with farce, narcissism with snack food, and a dying empire’s last gasp of dignity?
You get this: JD Vance, U.S. Senator turned MAGA cult disciple, lovingly smearing Cheetos dust across Donald Trump’s bloated face like a mortician prepping a dictator for burial.
This is not parody.
This is not comedy.
This is the funeral dirge of Western democracy—set to the sound of JD Vance gently massaging Cheeto dust into Donald Trump’s decaying flesh like it’s embalming fluid for a fallen god.
In that one grotesque act—now immortalized in viral footage—we saw everything.
The death of integrity.
The humiliation of a once-proud republic.
And the final, pitiful surrender of a man who once called Trump “noxious,” now reduced to a cheese-dusted handmaiden, preparing his Führer for resurrection.
This wasn’t just a cringe performance.
It was fascism in cosplay.
It was the coronation of idiocy—the soft, sticky coup of stupidity wrapped in spectacle.
Trump sat motionless, basking in the adoration like a radioactive idol—skin sagging, hair matted, a wax figure melted under the heat of its own delusion. Vance, lips pursed, fingers stained, looked like a priest anointing his saviour. Except this wasn’t faith—it was rot. The rot of ambition. The rot of surrender. The rot of a nation that traded democracy for performance art, and truth for clickbait tyranny.
This is the Republican Party now: not a party, but a death cult.
And JD Vance isn’t just a member. He’s the high priest.
But don’t think this ends at the border.
Pierre Poilievre has been watching. Mimicking. Practicing.
He’s Trump without the fake tan—but all the rage, all the bile, all the performative populism.
And if we’re not careful, he’ll be our very own Cheeto Caesar. No dust required.
So laugh. For a moment.
Then wake up.
Because this is how democracy dies now—
Not with a bang.
But with a whimper.
Covered in powdered cheese.
Sources:
• “JD Vance Once Warned About Trump. Now He Worships Him,” The New York Times, 2024.
• “From Critic to Cultist: The Rise of JD Vance,” The Guardian, 2025.
• “Poilievre’s Trump-Inspired Playbook,” Toronto Star, 2024.
• “The Authoritarian Theatre of Modern Conservatism,” The Atlantic, 2023.